housekeeping jokes and jokes about housekeeping
1. Fancy Cooking
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
“I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.”
“Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asked the second.
“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – Take a clean dish and.
2. Housework Challenged
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, “What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, “University of Auburn.
3. The Bathroom
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of a quick solution. “I’ll put down newspapers.”
“That’s all right, lady,” he responded. “I’m already trained.
4. Dusty Housekeeping
My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.
One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, “You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel.”
Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, “Yes, darling, I know. That’s why I married a college graduate
5. Vacuum Salesman
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory.
He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet.
He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat every chunk of it.”
She turns to him with a smirk and says, “You want ketchup on that?”
The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”
She says, “We just moved in and we haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.
6. Every Scotsman’s Fantasy
Every Scotsman’s fantasy is to have two women….one cleaning, the other dusting.
7. Housekeeping Husband
My friend’s husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better. Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away.
When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, he crowed, “I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath.”
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, “When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest.
8. Household Budget
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to
my father, “Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.”
“Good,” my dad quickly replied. “Wash it again.
9. Tidy Housekeeper?
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn’t bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: “Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it.
10. Patio Problem
My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time.
He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small.
He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level.
He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning.
Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.
Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, “Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?