Humor Jokes about Airplanes

{YBA} I think you are looking for a fantastic collection of airplanes jokes, you will find them right here. I have set a beautiful list of airplanes jokes for you to use and enjoy. Enjoy these best airplanes jokes for fun.

1. Flying With A Blonde

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.

A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.

One of the blondes says, “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”.

2. Signs You’ve Chosen a “No Frills” Airline

You can’t board the plane unless you have the exact change.

Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, “Just once.”

No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.

All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

3. Grandma’s Home

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. “Is that your
grandmother?” I asked.

“Yes,” Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.”

“How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?”

“At the airport,” Chris replied. “Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her.”

4. Military Control Tower

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?”

The tower responded, “Who is calling?”

The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?”

The tower replied, “It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o’clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon.”

5. Flight School

A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.

He took her out, showed her how to start it, and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can’t remember anything after I turned off the big fan.”

6. Airplane Maintenance

“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P) = Problem (S) = Solution

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That’s what they’re there for

(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right” and be serious

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics.

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