Humorous Bar Jokes Short and Clean

{YBA} There is a big collection of jokes at the internet, and we have select a some top jokes for you and your kids and friends of all age.

1. A Neutron Walks Into a Bar

A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks How much?

The bartender says, For you, no charge.

2. A Woman Follows Her Husband

A woman followed her husband to the public house. “How can you come here,” she said, taking a sip of his pint of Guinness, “and drink that awful stuff?” “Now!” he cried, “And you always said I was out enjoying me-self.

3. The Number Twelve Goes to a Bar

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

“Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.

“Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.

“You’re under 18,” replies the barman.

4. On Their Way Home From the Bar

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.

Just then Jessica said, I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.

So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, Sir your license has expired.

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired.

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, “Jessica, shut your mouth!” pr0perty0fgl0wp0rt

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. Does your husband always talk to you like that?

Jessica replied, only when he’s drunk.

5. Jets Fan for Bar Joke

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.

The bartender says,Hey! No pets allowed in here! You’ll have to leave,

The man begs, Look I’m desperate. We’re both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game,

After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.

The bartender says, Wow that is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?

“I don’t know,” replies the owner, I’ve only had him for four years.

6. On Their Way Home From the Bar

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.

Just then Jessica said, I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.

So the officer asked for John’s license and after looking at it said, Sir your license has expired.

And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn’t realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.

Jessica said, I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired.

Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, Jessica, shut your mouth,

The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. Does your husband always talk to you like that?

Jessica replied, only when he’s drunk.

7. A Mushroom Came into a Bar

A mushroom came into a bar one night. The bartender stepped up and saw plainly that the new customer was a mushroom and shouted “Hey get outta here we don’t serve your kind here.” The mushroom replied “Why not? I’m a fun guy.

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