Awesome Army Jokes Short Liners

{YBA} These new and best collection of army jokes text messages are famous and favorite in students, soldier, teenage, and all. Jokes on army also available in English, Hindi and Urdu languages.

1. Getting Closer Army Joke

Our son is in the Army, stationed in Georgia. He invited my husband and I for a visit.

After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, “We’re getting closer.”

“How do you know?” I asked.

He pointed to a sign that read:

Sonny’s Bar-B-Q
Tank Parking Available

2. Daddy, Were You in a War? Army Joke

While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves.

Daddy, were you in a war?

Yes, I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be.

Wide-eyed, she gasped, Against what planet?.

3. A Recruit Examines the Food Served to Him

A recruit examines the food served to him in the batallion dining room.

“Do I have any choice here,” he asks a sergeant.

Yes, you do. You may eat it or not.

4. Two Men Were Boasting to Each Other

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one, “that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”

“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”

“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, just our medals.

5. Army Brat Boasting About his Father to a Navy Brat

An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat.

“My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?”

“Yes,” said the Navy brat.

“My dad has built them.”

Then the naval kid spoke: “And do you know the Dead Sea?”

“Yes.”

“It’s my dad who’s killed it.

6. Build a Road the Army Way

One of my first jobs as a new Army lieutenant in Vietnam was to build a road
across a rice paddy. Progress was slow because the paddy devoured most of the dirt we laid down. My superior officer, a major, appeared one day, determined to speed things
up.

His solution was to scrape the crust off the top of the paddy and with it, construct the road. He quelled my protestations with a stern, Lieutenant, I’m in charge.

He ordered a bulldozer into the paddy, but the massive monster sank in the muck. Undaunted, the major ordered another dozer to help the first one out. It, too, was soon
stuck. After a long silence, the major got into his jeep. His departing words were,
Lieutenant, you’re in charge.

7. 12-Mile March Army Joke

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan and one requirement was a
demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would
ever come.

Men, our sergeant yelled, “You’re doing a FINE job. We’ve already covered four miles,

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

And, continued Sarge, we should reach the
starting point any minute now.

8. US Army Private Filling Out a Questionnaire

A US Army private filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course was stymied by the question, How long has your present employer been in business? He thought for a moment, and then wrote, Since 1776.

9. Lovely Girl Army Joke

An Army driver was chauffeur to a Major who was a notorious womanizer. One day, the major saw a lovely girl. “Turn the car around,” he ordered.

The driver promptly stalled the car. By the time he had re-started it the girl had vanished.

Driver, said the major, you’d be a total loss in an emergency.

I thought I did pretty well, the driver said. That was my girl.

10. A Stuck Army Jeep

During an Army war game a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

Sorry sir, said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.”

The C.O. turned to his driver and said, Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.

11. Why do You Want to Join the Navy

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, “Why do you want to join the Navy, son?

My father said it’d be a good idea, sir.

Oh? And what does your father do?

He is in the Army, sir.

12. My Wife’s Expecting

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. “You see,” he explained, “my wife’s expecting.”

“Oh…” said the Officer, “I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck.”

The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: “My wife’s expecting.”

The Officer looked surprised. “Still expecting?” he said, “Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off.”

When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. “Don’t tell me your wife is still expecting!” he bellowed.

“Yes sir!” said the soldier resolutely, “She’s still expecting.”

“What in heaven is she expecting?” cried the Officer.

“Me.” said the soldier simply.