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1. Small Irish Villiage
A visitor to a small Irish village commented to a local Garda that it was a quiet little place. The Garda replied, quiet to be sure, we haven’t buried a living soul in years.
2. An American and an Irishman
An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight – an old gallows.
The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. “You see that, I reckon,” said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. “And now where would you be if the gallows had its due?”
“Riding alone,” coolly replied Paddy.
3. O’Connell Falls
O’Connell was staggering home with a small Paddy in his back pocket when he
slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running
down his leg.
“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood.
4. Brendan Behan bumps into a lady
Brendan Behan, late Irish author, was the soul of courtesy, but there were times when he could give back as good as he got.
Brendan and a friend were emerging from the Long Hall in Dublin during the Christmas season, and Brendan had the misfortune to bump into a lady laden with parcels, the result being to scatter her parcels all over the pavement. Brendan promptly stooped to recover them from among the feet of the passers-by and restore them to her arms, but her ladyship’s temper was not satisfied.
“I’d have you know,” she declared angrily, “that my husband’s a detective, and, if he was here, he’d take ye!”
This was too much for Brendan, who after all had done his best. “Ma’am,” said he, “I don’t doubt it for a second. If he took you, he’d take anything.
5. An Irishman and an American at Shannon Airport
An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.
I’ve come to meet my brother, said the Irishman. He’s due to fly in from
America in an hour’s time. It’s his first trip home in forty years.
Will you be able to recognize him? asked the American.
I’m sure I won’t,” said the Irishman, “after all, he’s been away for a long time.
I wonder if he’ll recognize you?” said the American.
Of course he will, said the Irishman. Sure, an’ I haven’t been away at all.
6. Have ye seen Mulligan
Two Irishmen met and one said to the other, “Have ye seen Mulligan lately,
Pat said, Well, I have and I haven’t.
His friend asked, well what d’ye mean by that?
Pat said, It’s like this, y’see…I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan,
and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one
another…it was neither of us.
7. Camping Trip
Pat and Kyran were getting ready to go on a camping trip. The first one said I’m taking along a gallon of whiskey just in case of rattlesnake bites. What are you taking?” The other one said “Two rattlesnakes.
8. How Can You Tell If an Irishman is Having a Good
Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He’s Dublin over with laughter.
9. Finnegan’s Wife
His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. Did she say anything before she died? asked the sergeant.
She spoke without interruption for about forty years, said the Finnegan.
10. Talented Dog
Tim O’Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.
Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn’t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog’s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.
Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water’s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it’s owner.
Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said; “Why that’s great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?.