Short Chinese Jokes in English

{YBA} Chinese persons are very nice peoples of the world. They are soft mind and hard worker, They are also like jokes about them, as  Chinese jokes and jokes about Chinese people. we are posting jokes on Chinese persons life style and activity.

1. Confucius Says

Confucius Says:

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.

Man who love and loses, have not right lawyer.

When lady say `no´ she mean `perhaps´ when she say `perhaps´ she mean `yes´ but when she say `yes´, she not a lady.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

When man 60 marry girl 25, like buying book for someone else to read.

Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.

2. Confucius Says 2

Confucius Says:

Television never replace old reliable key hole.

Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy…

Laziest man in world who marry widow with six children.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.

Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Kids are like Legos, lot of fun to make, but sooner or later, only end up messing up house.

3. Confucius Says 3

Confucius Says:

Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.

Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.

Man who make love to girl on hill…he not on level.

Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.

Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

4. Confucius Says 4

Confucius Says:

Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.

Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.

Man who eat jellybean relieve self in technicolor.

Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!

Man who sit on tack get point!

Man who sink into woman’s arms will soon find arms in woman’s sink.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

A girl’s best asset is her ‘lie’ability.

5. Confucius Says 5

Confucius Says:

He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.

Eunuch not strange creature, just man cut out to be bachelor.

Man who dream of eating giant mushroom—wake up with no pillow.

Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.

He who put face in fruit drink get punch in the nose.

Butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.

Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work.

Man become old when he watch food instead of waitress.

6. Confucius Says 6

Confucius Says:

Girl who make love in tomb may soon become mummy.

Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Man who drop watch in toilet have crappy time.

Man trapped in pantry have himself in jam.

Women take to good hearted men. Also from.

Man who pass gas in church must sit in own pew.

Man who shoot off mouth, expect to lose face.

Man with big mouth, beware of foot.

7. Confucius Says 7

Confucius Says:

House without bathroom, uncanny.

Man who throw dirt, losing ground.

Two wrongs not make right, but two rights make U-turn

Do not drink and park, accidents cause people.

Man who crosses ocean twice without washing, is a dirty double crosser.

Man who speak with forked tongue, should not kiss balloons.

He who have last laugh, not get joke.

Man who throw away watch, wasting time.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like bananas.

8. Confucius Says 8

Confucius Says:

War does not determine who’s right. War determine who’s left.

Man who sleeps on road, wakes up feeling run down.

Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.”

A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.

When called an idiot sometimes is better to be quiet, than open mouth and remove all doubt.

Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

He who thinks only of number one must remember this number is next to nothing

Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.

People who make Confucius joke speak bad English.

9. Eating at a Chinese Restaurant

My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.

As an environmentalist, she declared, I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils.

The waiter inspected her chopsticks. Very beautiful, he said politely. Ivory.

10. Actual Chinese Movie Subtitles

1. Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

2. Gun wounds again?

3. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

4. A normal person wouldn’t steal pituitaries.

5. The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

6. Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants.

7. Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

8. I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!

9. You always use violence. I should’ve ordered glutinous rice chicken.

10.Beat him out of recognizable shape!

11. I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!

12. Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

13. How can you use my intestines as a gift?.

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