Clean Doctor Jokes Fun for Kids

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doctor jokes and jokes about doctors

1. Expensive Operation

A woman was having a medical problem – her husband’s snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her “suffering.”

“Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.”

“My goodness!” the woman exclaimed, “it sounds like leasing a new sports car!”

“Humm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?

2. Physical Problems

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if he was feeling better.

The man said that he actually felt worse. “Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?” the Doc asked.

“No,” replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh. “I could only do about 15 minutes.

3. Four Letter Surgery

Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.

“I’m ok but I didn’t like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.

“What did he say,” asked the nurse.

“OOPS.

4. And…he is gonna be your Doctor

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” she says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Morris, what would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp too.

5. Returning Equipment

As the manager of our hospital’s softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season.

When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area.

I heard one man say to his wife, “Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist.

6. Operation

When his auto mechanic came in for an operation, Dr. Grimley couldn’t help but take the opportunity to turn the tables on
him.

“Well Frank,” said the doctor, “It’s going to take at least five days for the parts to get in. As for the cost, there’s no way to tell until we get in there and see exactly what the problem is.

7. Signs You Need A New Doctor

• – He calls you at two in the morning “just to talk.”
• – Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts.
• – He keeps accidentally referring to himself as “the defendant.”
• – He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Long Island.
• – He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as “drumsticks.”
• – His examination room is Room 201 at the No-Tell Motel.
• – He introduces you to his anesthesiologist, “Doctor Jim Beam.”
• – Before surgery, he asks if you want this “to go.”
• – He tries to color your X-rays with crayons.

8.

The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“OK,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.

9. Strike

“Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors’ demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs.

10. Emergency Call

Dad’s pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him–lights flashing. Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call. Within seconds, came the police officer’s hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.