Short Farmer Jokes for Kids

{YBA} Most searches are famous farmer jokes and jokes about farmers, A solicitor from Dublin, while hunting in the West, brought down a fowl which landed in a farmer’s field. As the lawyer climbed over the wall to retrieve the bird, the elderly owner appeared asking what he was doing. The litigator replied,

1. My father wouldn’t like it.

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. “You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man, “My father wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister replied, “Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the hay.”

2. A salesman stopped by the Jones farm

One day, a salesman stopped by the Jones farm, knocked, and the farmer’s wife,
Frannie, came to the door.

“Is your husband home, Ma’am?” he asked.

“Sure is. He’s over in the cow barn.”

“Well, I got something to show him, Ma’am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?”

“Shouldn’t have any difficulties… He’s the one with the beard and mustache.”

3. Farmer’s Weather Vane

An old farmer was sitting on his porch, holding a small piece of rope.

His guest, a city man, asked, “What’s the rope for?”

The farmer said, “It’s my weather vane.”

“How can you tell weather with that thing?” asked the city man. “When it goes from side to side, it’s windy. When it’s wet, it’s raining.

4. Sorting Potatoes

Farmer Peters hired a man to sort his potato crop. He told the man to make three piles: one for the small potatoes, one for
the medium-size ones, and one for the large ones.

After several hours, the man told Farmer Peters he was quitting his job. He seemed flustered, his brow was beaded with perspiration, and his shirt was also wet.

“Is the work too hard for you?” Peters asked.

“No,” he answered, “but all the decisions are killing me.

5. Crossing the Road

Traveling down a remote country road one day, a motorist came to a stop in front of a giant puddle covering the entire road. He noticed a farmer leaning on a fence,
contemplating the puddle. “Hey mister, think it’s safe to cross?” he yelled.

“Oh, I reckon so.” The farmer replied.

The man drove on into the puddle, where his car was immediately swallowed up. The puddle was so deep, he had to escape through the window and swim back to the edge. When he climbed out he was furious with the old farmer. “I thought you said it was safe to cross!”

The farmer stood back and scratched his head. “Well, heck, it only came up chest-high on my ducks.

6. Nobel Prize

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”

The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“How?” asks the man, puzzled.

“Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.

7. Circle Flies

The Garda, a disagreeable sort, stops a local farmer on a minor infraction and proceeds to berate the poor man this way and that, dressing him down most unfairly. After the lecture, which the farmer takes well, the constable starts writing the poor man up. While he’s writing, he keeps swattin’ at flies circling his head.

“The circle flies botherin’ ya, are they?” says the farmer.

“Why do ya call ’em circle flies, old man?”

“We call ’em that on the farm ’cause we find ’em flying around and around the harses’ behinds.” says the farmer.

“Are you callin’ me a harse’s arse?” snarls the Garda.

“Oh saints, no,” protests the farmer. “T’wouldn’t think of such a thing.” And the Garda goes back to writing.

“…kinda hard to fool the flies, though.

8. Out to Lunch

It’s the late 1980’s, and this technician’s boss at a nonprofit agency has a brainstorm.

“He wanted to provide a menu-driven telephone system that would let local boaters and fishermen call in for information on river levels,” says the tech.

His further comments: “I was invited to a lunch with the local phone company to discuss it. Being new to the project, I started by asking what percentage of the targeted rural population had touch-tone phone service … a must-have for menu-driven phone systems. As I remember, the chicken salad was delicious and the project was never discussed again.

9. The same as Hell

When we were looking to buy property I had this overzealous realtor show us what can only be described as a totally worn-out old farm. I mean the land had just been worked to death. The weeds were hardly even growing.

The smiling super salesman said, “Now really, all this land needs is a little
water, a nice cool breeze and some good people.”

I replied, “Yeah, I agree, but couldn’t the same be said of Hell?

10. Under the wagon

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate.

“Hey, Willis,” he called out, “forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I’ll help you overturn the wagon.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Dad would like me to.”

“Aw, come on, son!” the farmer insisted.

“Well, OK,” the boy finally agreed, “but Dad won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad’s going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be silly!” said the neighbor. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon,” replied Willis.

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