Best and Short German Jokes

In this post some German jokes and jokes about Germans are wrote for you, to read and share these jokes on German collection.

1. Tick – Tock

There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to make the pilots crack and tell what they knew. They made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say, “Tick – Tock” over and over.

After about three hours, the first pilot cracked and started telling all he knew, signing everything they put in front of

An hour later, the second pilot cracked and started confessing to things that he didn’t even do.

The third pilot was fighting hard not to crack. He was about half-way cracked. He was turning his head to one side only and saying, “Tick…Tick…Tick…”

The German officer in charge went up to him and said, “You thinks you iss so schmart! But I’m telling you dot vee haf vays to make you TOCK.

2. Bagels

A German comes to London and stays with Maurice and his family.

The first morning they all have breakfast together and have bagels. The German exclaims “Wow we don’t have bagels like this in Germany.”

To which Maurice stands up and yells “And who’s fault is that?

3. What’s the Difference Between a German

Q: What’s the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?

A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

4. Why Germans Build Such High-Quality Products

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won’t have to go around being nice while they fix them.

5. A German Farmer

A German farmer with relatives in the US promised them some fresh pork sausages made by hand from his very own stock of pigs.

But as the weeks went by, they gave him a call to complain that the package had not yet arrived.

He told them, “Don’t worry. The wurst is yet to come.”

6. Nine

I was meeting a friend in a bar, and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.

“Nine,” I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

“I don’t want to ruin it for you,” he said, “but when I walked in, they were speaking German.”

7. German-Chinese Restaurant

Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant? The food is great, but an hour later, you’re hungry for power.

8. Knock Knock – Gestapo

Knock Knock

Who’s there?


Gestapo who?

Ve Vill ask ze Questions.

9. Why are French Streets Tree-Lined?

Q. Why are French streets tree-lined?

A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

10. Two Martinis, Bitte.

Two Martinis, bitte.


Nein, I said TWO.

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