Best Golf Jokes for Women Golfers
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Golf Jokes and Jokes about Golf
Wife’s Golf Shot
Bob stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn’t start his backswing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, “What the heck is taking so long?”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,” Bob explained. “I want to make a perfect shot.”
“Good lord!” his companion exclaimed. “You don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here.
Red Faced Lady Golfer
The lady golfer was a determined, if not very proficient player. At each swipe she made at the ball earth flew in all directions.
“Gracious me,” she exclaimed red-faced to her caddie, “the worms will think there’s an earthquake.”
“I don’t know,” replied the caddie, “the worms round here are very clever. I’ll bet most of them are hiding underneath the ball for safety.”
A foursome of ladies came back after a round of golf. At the 19th hole in the Clubhouse, the Pro, Ross, politely asked them, ‘How did your game go?’
The first said she had a good round with 25 riders. The second said she did OK with 16 riders. The third said not too bad since I had 10 riders. The fourth was disappointed and said that she played badly with only two riders.
Ross was confounded by this term “rider” but not wanting to show his ignorance just smiled and wish them better golf the next time.
He then approached Jimmy, the bartender, and asked, ‘Hey, Jimmy, can you tell me what does this term “riders” mean?’
Jimmy smiled as he explained to Ross that a “rider” is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart.
The Lady’s Tee
It was a sunny Saturday morning on the Crookhorn municipal golf course, England and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualising my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse tannoy:
‘WOULD THE GENTLEMAN ON THE WOMAN’S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN’S TEE PLEASE.’
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement rang out louder’, Would the MAN on the WOMEN’S tee kindly back up to the men’s tee.’
I simply ignored the request and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled’, Would the man on the woman’s tee back up to the men’s tee, PLEASE.’
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the microphone and shouted back’, Would the person in the clubhouse kindly stop shouting and let me play my second shot’
Wedding Anniversary and Golf
Nick was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. Molly, his wife told him, ‘Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes from zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat.’
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for Nick have been set for Saturday at his favourite golf course.
5. Small World on Golf
Alex and Jim are trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go.
Alex comments to Jim, ‘Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?’
Jim gets about halfway there, turns and comes back so Alex asks, ‘What’s wrong?’
Jim replies, ‘One of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress.’
Alex responds, ‘That could be a problem. I’ll go over and have a word.’
He gets about halfway there and he turns and comes back, too.
So Jim says ,’What’s wrong?’
Alex murmurs, ‘Small world.’
6. Will and Guy’s Helpful Guide to Female Golfing Terms
- Caddy: 2 women talking about a 3rd, who isn’t there to defend herself.
- Chip: Time to get our nails done again.
- Double Bogie: ‘Casablanca’ followed by ‘African Queen’.
- Fairway: Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
- Good lie: Weight on our driver’s license.
- Greens: Lunch we eat when you’d really prefer a cheeseburger.
- Iron: What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
- Rough: Getting a guy to understand, well, pretty much anything.
- Slice: No thanks … just a small portion.
- Par: The children’s grandfather.
- Birdie: Another attractive female golfer.
- Wood: Where you can find a ball.
Maria and Stephanie were selected to play together as partners in the Cams Hall Club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, Maria asked, ‘What’s your handicap?’
‘Oh, I’m a scratch golfer,’ Stephanie replied.
‘Really!’ exclaimed Maria, suitably impressed that she had been paired with Stephanie.
‘Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones,’ responded Stephanie with a smile.